So I thought I should do another update
I've been meaning to blog some more but I keep forgetting it

A few weeks ago I was with my recovered anorexic friend on a festival
I felt so happy and free and decided to actually fight my ED and I really wanted to be healthy and recovered
I started to be more social (I even ask a boy out haha), I ate more, and I started to swim everyday for a fit body and a healthy mind.
It went okay
For a few weeks..

On evening I couldn't sleep because I was determined to lose weigh again
A part of me hoped it was just that night
But it was this there when I woke up
And the next day..
And the day after that..
So I started to fast again but after a few days the binge and purge urges kicked in

The life that I wanted to leave behind is back
Although I hate it,  it also feels save.

I think the biggest trigger that caused this relapse is that I have to go to school again in 6 weeks
I haven't been going to school for 1,5 year now..
Everybody there knows I have Anorexia and I don't want them to see me a healthy weight and say 'oh you're better' or 'you look good'

I need to lose 10 kg and I know my ED so I know I will lose it in just a short time
I'm scared but also kind of relieved to stay in my little Anorexia world

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think of it! xx