A binge.

It's been a good day.

I barely eat and probably lost some weight tomorrow morning.

I feel good and strong.

Nothing can stop me.

But then later in the evening,

I feel lonely, hungry & fat.

I'm so miserable, I just want to escape for a minute.

Then I got it: food.

I go to the kitchen and eat all the healthy low calorie stuff I bought that day.

Crackers, cereal, fat free yogurt and fruit.

After I finished it, I feel so worthless and weak.

I step on a scale and gained 2 kg.

Then I drag myself to the toilet and throw it all up.

I step on the scale. The 2 kg is gone.

I got ride of the food.

Now I feel even more sad.

I can't stop crying and thinking how this has to stop.

Then I go like I'm hypnotist to a supermarket.

I feel kinda excited although I hear a voice in my head "NO NO NO"

But another voice: "THIS IS GOOD, YOU MAY NOT STOP."

As I enter the shop, I walk straight to the bad stuff.

I get cookies, ice cream, bread and chocolate. 

I know actually what is easy to purge and to eat.

I feel the looks of people.

I know what they're thinking "No wonder she's so fat"

I pay for it and cycle home.

When I'm cycling I put my hand in the bag, just to feel it.

When I'm home I make tea and water, turn on the tv and close the curtains.

And I eat it all.

After I finished and can barely walk because I feel so sick and bloated, I go to the toilet and purge until I see blood.

I clean up, throw away the empty packages, take laxatives and go to bed.

Feeling even more worthless and fat.

And the next day, It's gonna start all over again.