Control

I hate it when people say 'just eat'.
If it was only that simple, I wouldn't have anorexia.
One meal can ruin my day.
It's not that I hate food, I love food.
I love making it, buying it, smelling it, see it, touch it.
I just can't eat it.
It's because I don't want to gain weight but mostly because I don't want to lose control.
Because that's what is it is about: control.
Not the food, not the scale, not losing weight but control.